Forever Hopeful

Hello readers!

I know it has been awhile, but I have been taking time out to get myself back on track. I thought I would just give an update as to where I am at in life. I have really been struggling to get going and moving forward instead of constantly dwelling on my past. Thanks to one of my mom’s endless pep talks I have decided to start living in the now. I am trying to get the old me back. The one that was in love with many things the world had to offer. I miss the days of laughter and finding joy in the simple things. I think over these past six years I lost myself and my purpose.

In order to gain a handle on my moods I have started new medication and have constructed a somewhat consistent sleep schedule (well, as good as a person like me can achieve) and I am glad to tell you that I can actually get myself out of bed. In fact, I have lined up not just one, but TWO jobs that I absolutely love being at. I know! I am just as excited as all of you that I am finally able to work again without drowning in anxiety. I’m glad to inform you I will also be returning to school as of January.

I am also working on a game plan to get myself to become the best me I can be. I think we all have that picture of how great we can be, but we don’t always try to strive to be the best possible version of ourselves. However, I am tired of living in a world where I am constantly trying to battle myself to be the person I know I can be. So what does this plan consist of? Well, first things first I need to “cleanse”.

The initial step is to create an environment for myself where I can feel at peace. I do still live with my parents so I don’t have a place of my own other than my bedroom and let me tell you… there is absolutely nothing peaceful about my room. There are things strewn everywhere that leave me feeling uneasy most days. This weekend, I will be cleaning my room to make it an area where I can concentrate on trying to better myself.

A place where I can feel inspired to do great things whether it be writing for my blog, doing homework or taking part in things I used to love before losing interest in everything such as reading books that give me all the feels until I just couldn’t anymore or playing Pokemon alongside my pal Pikachu. I am trying to revive my love for all the things that always managed to make me smile. I miss the days where I would sit in my parents’ room playing on my very first PlayStation, the days where I would binge all things Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter. I was even thinking of trying to pick up my hobby of drawing again or perhaps learning to play a musical instrument.

A bit of advice to all of you out there. Never let go of the things you love just because you think it’s out of the norm. I think I lost touch of the things that truly brought my happiness because along the way I became ashamed of who I was and just became what I thought I was supposed to be. Growing up I was always scared of not fitting in with people that I just lost the things I loved to adapt. Along the way though I lost myself too. Those are the moments where I look to my past and feel disappointed. It’s not that I made mistakes along the way, but it’s that I left the real Sarah behind when I started high school. I made friends with the wrong people and stopped believing in myself as an individual just to fit in with a group. Now here I am scrambling at twenty five to find myself again. I am excited of meeting me again though. I bet I’m a pretty awesome person.

I am going to merge the awesome free-spirited, endless dreamer me with the new and improved responsible me and then from there it’s only up. I’ll be unstoppable. There won’t be anymore looking back and being upset at my past, nor will there be endless worrying about failing in the future. It’s all about how amazing the present will be.

“I’m on a roller coaster that only goes up, my friend” – John Green 

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